What's Love Got To Do With It?

All day long, I’ve been waffling back & forth about something so simple yet seemingly monumental.  (It all depends on your perspective, really.) As the Supreme Court sifts through both sides' arguments regarding marriage equality, I’ve seen this symbol popping up on people’s Facebook profiles:

It is a way of showing solidarity for those seeking equality.  But instead of simply changing mine without comment, I felt it more important to write and explain, because I know there are some in my circles who simply won’t understand and who may, in fact, decide that our difference in opinion is enough to cause a rift or even sever our relationship.  That risk is a scary one on some fronts but others: not so much.  (You can decide which camp you fall into in my book and I’ll leave it at that.)

One of the biggest struggles in this year of focusing on my “fit” has been finding a church home.  I didn’t grow up in the church and therefore many of the traditions & vestiges therein don’t resonate with me.  But I don’t struggle with what I believe because that is just what it is – MY belief.  My faith is important to me and what is equal in importance and tandem to that is my love for and service to others.  I’m not interested in being part of a church that gets a story in the local paper because of the elaborate cakes it had out on Easter;  I am interested in being a part of a community that LOVES and DOES because what I am held to is the great commandment in Mark 12:28-31:

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating.  Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"  

"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this:  'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.  Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this:  'Love your neighbor as yourself.'  There is no commandment greater than these."

It’s right there, in the red letters:  "Love your neighbor as yourself."

And there are people in my life for whom this is a very important issue.  And because I love them, I want that which will make them happy, that which will make their lives easier and that which will make them a part, instead of apart.

What Not to Wear

I was sad to learn that TLC's What Not to Wear is going off the air soon.  Besides my great love of Clinton Kelly & Stacy London, I also secretly harbored hope that someday, some "friend" would nominate me.  Because, really, after you get past the horror of being told you are a crappy dresser on national tv, you get $5000 to create a whole new wardrobe with the help of two savvy, snarky, lovely folks.  How can you beat that?  I've learned (though not always applied) so much from the show over the years about patterns and colors and styles and, most of all, about fit.  For instance, about the tendency for people to try to hide their flaws but wearing their clothing too big, which ends up drawing attention to rather than away from the area.  It's all about clothing that fits, and sometimes that may mean getting a piece tailored to make it fit your figure better.

You may remember that I am all about "fit" in 2013 and it got me thinking.  When I first made my big move, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how I was going to fit in:  what I could do, what I should do, how I would meet people and make friends.  I tried a lot of different things...and am still trying a lot of different things.  I described it to someone today as "throwing things against the wall to see what sticks."  An odd metaphor but a metaphor just the same.  And lately, I haven't been feeling like much is sticking.  I've found myself trying to gracefully bow out or take a break from some of the things I thought were going to be the perfect fit for me, the "answer", if you will..because they just don't feel right or I just don't feel like it.  To a degree, some of those feelings may come because I'm disappointed in things not turning out as I had expected;  some may be simply because I'm struggling with a touch of seasonal affective disorder brought on by The Winter That Will Never, Ever (Ever, Ever) End.  Some may be just poor timing.  But others may simply be an issue of fit.  And just like on What Not to Wear, I have to try things on.  I have to look at myself in the 360 mirror, get rid of the old, worn stuff and pick out some new, more flattering things.

On Joy

Joy is sometimes a blessing, but it is often a conquest.  Our magic moment helps us to change and sends us off in search of our dreams.  Yes, we are going to suffer,we will have difficult times, and we will experience many disappointments - but all of this is transitory it leaves no permanent mark.  And one day we will look back with pride and faith at the journey we have taken. 

 ~  Paulo Coehlo, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

It has been a hard week, full of the highest of peaks and the lowest depths of valleys.

I've said it before and I'll probably say it another 150,000 times before all is said and done:  this is hard. Some days, I feel the loss of family, friends and familiarity very acutely.  I'm still trying to identify the triggers so I can work with them instead of being broadsided by them.

It all takes time.

I've been trying various things to meet people and to make this place my home.  I'm taking classes (line dancing and yoga) and joining things (Bible study, youth group activities).  I've been making a concerted effort to put myself "out there"when it may seem just easier to retreat to my couch and my kitties.

One of the ways I've decided to do that is to start my own book club in town.  The first meetup was this Thursday and as I drove to the restaurant, I was so very anxious.  What if no one showed up and I was at a table for 8 alone?  What if people showed up but didn't like me?  Or I didn't like them?  Everything I do here feels an awful lot like the first day of school or a first date.

Thankfully, four of the eight showed up and they were the "right" four.  We had a great discussion of the book we read but more importantly, had a great conversation overall about authors and books and reading.  It felt so very good.  I was so encouraged.  I came home to find my friends on Facebook eagerly awaiting word (since my last status was that I was freaking out!)  I filled them in and was also texting with my best friend.  She had some very sage advice:  to not let anyone steal my joy the next day.  We all have people in our lives who have that effect on us;  some seem unfortunately surrounded by them.  But often, I find that I can do it all by myself.  But I went into yesterday still riding high and determined not to let my joy be stolen.

For the most part, I succeeded.  Every day has its ups and downs and it was no different.  And today started out much the same.  But then I learned a dear friend had lost her three-year battle with pancreatic cancer.  Even when you know that terrible news like that is forthcoming, it is still a blow.  I wept and wondered why her;  why another dear friend from the same company who we lost to lung cancer a few years ago.

But as I thought about these two amazing, strong, fun-loving women and all the things they had taught me, one thing stood out - the same thing my friend told me Thursday night.  They both were women who refused to let anything steal their joy.  That's not to say they never went though tough times because to say they went through tough times was an understatement, especially in their final months.  But when I think of them, I think of the parties - the baby showers, the bridal showers, the birthday parties;  I think of the nights out for drinks or dinner.  I think of all the laughs and oh my, there were SO many laughs!  Because no matter what, they had a joy deep in their souls.

And that is how I want to remember them...and what I want to emulate.

Rest in peace, my friends.  I know you are partying together tonight in heaven. 

"The Opposite of War Isn't Peace..."

"...it's creation..." or so says a line in my all-time favorite musical, Rent.  The first 7,000 times I listened to the soundtrack, I let this go in one ear and out other other but on 7,001 it hit me how true that really is.  And lately, with the re-creation of my life in a completely new area where I know no one, I've been reminded that I really enjoy creating things.  I've been working on a few small projects and have started volunteering at a local nursing home to lead a monthly craft project.  I was so nervous when I went for the first time a couple weeks ago;  I'd been working on craft ideas for some time and at the last minute, changed my plan and decided on a little Valentine's craft:

Pretty simple but fun & festive!  The original craft I had planned is below;  we'll do this at the beginning of March:

I've also started working on a couple larger projects. In looking around my place, I realized that I have painted/stained/stenciled several pieces of furniture in my living room - and I remembered that I really loved doing it and got a lot of satisfaction from it.  My kitchen is so very tiny and I have no counter space so I decided a few weeks ago to go thrift shopping in hopes of finding a small table that would suit.  What I found was a $10 table at the Salvation Army...and the inspiration to make it really special.

Not sure why this is rotated wrong but you get the picture.  My feline assistant is looking at the table and wondering what the heck I am up to now.  The table top itself had some cracked and bubbled laminate so I decided to tile it.  A friend recommended I buy the tile with the mesh backing and another recommended I purchase grout/adhesive mix.  Armed with these ideas and some help from the internet, I was off to the home improvement store to gather my supplies.  I really love the look of this glass tile.

First step was measuring and cutting the tile to fit.

Then, I applied the grout/adhesive to the whole top (no need to sand since I was slathering it on) and applying the tile.  I waited about 36 hours before applying the top grout.  This took some work but was much easier than I would have anticipated...and a little messier.  I had grout all over the place.

 And the top was finished.  I absolutely loved it...but didn't love the look of the sides...

 And so I decided to tile the sides as well.  Gravity was not my friend on my first attempts.  I waited a few weeks and then ended up glopping it right on to the back of the tile/mesh and pressing it on. It stayed!

 I wasn't sure how it would look because of the glopping...but once I grouted it, I was really pleased!

In its rightful place...

I've got a few new projects forming in my brain right now.  One of the "benefits" of being a new girl in town is that I don't have too much going on...so I have time to work on creating some pretty cool things.  And I'm thankful to be reminded of my inner craftiness!

Who Do You Think You Are, Anyway?

This is a question I think about a great deal.  For a long time, I don't think I knew the answer to this question.  More often than not, I was simply whomever you wanted me to be.  But with age (ahem), comes wisdom (hopefully) and a few years ago I started thinking about this more and more.  Who am I?

"Who am I?  Who AM I?  Who am I?!? I am the walrus..."  Sorry;  channeling The Breakfast Club there for a moment.

(The question also makes me think of this, which is now playing an infinite loop in my head.)

Anyway, I am all the usual things you'd expect.  A daughter.  A niece.  A cousin.  An auntie. A friend.  A Temple alum (go Owls!)  A youth leader.  An event planner.  An animal lover. An Aquarian.  A Christ follower.  A Subaru owner.  An iPhone devotee.  A Facebook addict. A blogger.  But I'm also someone who:

Loves to create...events, crafts, scrapbooks, photographs.  Spaces. Bonds between people.  Illusions of spontaneity (when I really had a plan all along.)

Loves people and getting to know people.  One of my favorite things in life is hearing how people met their spouses.  I have heard some really fantastic stories.

Is harder on myself than anyone else could be.

Is loyal to a fault.

Wants to help.

Cares.

Is easily frustrated.

Just wants people to pay attention sometimes.

The list could go on and on;  both "good" and "bad" attributes, overlapping.  But isn't that how it really is?  I posed the question on Facebook this week to see what sort of answers I'd get from my friends.  In the midst of many tongue in cheek responses, one friend said simply, "I am me.  There are too many facets to get into detail."

That comment made me think.  Aren't we all like that?  Full of facets, like a diamond?  Turn it this way and the light reflects.  Turn it another and capture its brilliance in a completely different way.

As I focus on my word for this year, I'll keep thinking about my many facets, about what makes me me and wonder how and where do I fit.

I'm determined to find out.

I Think About Blogging All The Time..

...yet when it comes to getting online and actually writing, something holds me back.  I posed the question on Facebook recently, "How can I call myself a blogger when I never blog?"  A friend challenged me to write at least once a week and, even though he didn't triple dog dare me, I am going to do my best.  

I just wonder if the blog is having an identity crisis, much like its owner.  I don't know where it fits in the blogosphere.  I'm not a "mommy blogger"; I'm not a crafty blogger (though I am starting to craft again but that is a post for another time.)  I'm not a cooking blogger (though I like to cook & have a whole Facebook album dedicated to my "creations.")  I'm not a religion blogger;  I'm not a business blogger.  At times, my blog has highlighted my views on these things but they've not been part of a pervasive theme.  Maybe it needs one.  Maybe it doesn't.  I just don't know.  

As I focus on my word for the year, I'm hoping that I find my "fit" in many different ways.  Maybe my blog will find it's fit, too.  

Just One Word...for 2013

Last year, I chose a focus word for the year:  purpose.  I'm not entirely sure I lived it out;  it's not like in the course of the year, I was divinely inspired to know my life's true purpose...but I will say I was much more in tune with the idea of "purpose".  Why was I doing what I was doing?  What did I feel strongly about?  What direction did I feel my life should take next?  In some ways, I think my word led me to the big move and the seismic shift in my whole life as I knew it.  It caused me to think, to try things, and to stop other things that didn't make me happy.  In those ways, maybe, it meant something.

And so I will try again.  New year; new word.

This year's word has several different connotations and that's truly why I think it fits...and the word is, actually, fit.  With my move, new job, new life...I am trying in many areas of my life to find the "right fit" for me - in a church, in volunteer work, in my social life, and so on.  I'm trying to find out where I fit in - at work, at church, in friendships and family relationships that are in flux.  And finally, I need to focus on my health and work hard to lose weight and get fit.

So there you have it.  I feel like this is a much more concrete word than last year;  perhaps at least as impactful!  Stay tuned....