About Bucket Lists

A few years ago, while traveling with a colleague, he mentioned his bucket list to me.  I had never given much consideration to mine, beyond the usual, "Oh, I hope someday to..." whatever.  But in talking to him, I realized that it wasn't such a bad idea;  more of a goal setting, giving yourself things to work toward.  If you looked at mine, you'd see some of the usual things:  visit all 50 states, go on an international mission trip, go to Italy, see KISS in concert, etc.  I made short work of it within the first several months of writing it, crossing several states off in a busy season at work, traveling to Romania on a mission trip and many other fun adventures.

Last night, I was taking care of some things at home in the late afternoon when I took a break to thumb through my Twitter feed.  In doing so, I saw a quick tweet from one of the local news stations that Judy Blume was in town to screen the movie version of her book, Tiger Eyes.  It said she would be doing Q&A and a book signing afterwards.  And best of all, tickets were still available!

I think my heart may have skipped a beat as I looked at the clock and calculated if I could make it downtown in time.  I shot off a quick message to two friends I grew up with, asking if they thought I should go while all the while I was getting ready.  The resounding answer came back:  "OMG!" "Yes!"  "Go...and go once for me too!"

To us, Judy Blume is so much more than an author.  Her books, and especially her preteen and teenage protagonists, SPOKE to us.  In many ways, they were us.  They faced the same struggles and uncertainties and confusion that we all did.  Some of us hid it better than others but believe me, it was there for each and everyone in one form or another.  We learned about getting our periods for the first time;  we learned that "we must, we must, we must increase our bust" exercises didn't really work.  We learned about first love.  We learned about bullying.  We learned about racism.  We learned about sex...and what the oft-discussed "first time" might be like.  We learned that coping with loss was incredibly heartbreaking and hard but that we could and would emerge on the other side of that sadness.

I can't tell you how much her books meant to me growing up, especially one in particular.  "Deenie" is the story of a girl who finds out she has scoliosis and is confined to a back brace to try to correct it.  While my experience wasn't exactly the same, I dealt with some of the same fears and issues in dealing with my own diagnosis and brace. I can't even begin to go into all of that - we'd be here all day.  But suffice it so say, her book had a huge impact on me.

I was so excited and a little nervous driving over.  I was really holding out hope that tickets would still be available and they were.  I grabbed a large popcorn for dinner and settled in to relive a book I'd read for the first time over 25 years ago.

The movie is on limited release to about 20 small theaters nationwide but it's also available for download from various outlets now.  I would highly recommend it.  In many ways it is very true to the book and, although I'm usually a purist, the artist liberties didn't bother me at all.  I think it helped too that I knew that Judy Blume and her son had made the film together;  in that way, changes didn't seem a betrayal of the author, as sometimes in the case!

After the film, Judy came up and answered audience questions on a wide variety of topics.  I wanted to ask her about Deenie but I couldn't find the words in front of everyone, so I chose to wait until the signing.

Strategically, I tried to plant myself at the back of the line but others had the same idea and I ended up about 3/4 of the way back.  When my turn came, I handed her my copy of Tiger Eyes to sign while a gentleman took our photo.  (I look terrible but she looks fantastic!)  While she was signing, I told her that her books had meant so much to growing up and that I just wanted to thank her for that.  (And I'll admit, I got a little teary as I told her.  Yes, I am a sap.)  And I told her I wanted to specifically thank her for Deenie because I was Deenie, back brace and all for many years.  She and I spoke about that for a time and she asked if I remembered that the book was dedicated to a girl named Jane;  I did.  She said Jane was the inspiration for the story and that she had actually come out to a recent signing.  She is 53 now and doing great.

My time with Judy Blume had come to an end.  I thanked her again and shook her hand and went out to my car and burst into tears, my heart full.  I was thinking of that uncertain, confused girl I was back when I read and reread her books, of how much they meant to me, of how much they taught me.

And I realized that sometimes your bucket list items aren't on your bucket list.

About Recommitting

I've got a long list of blogs I read. I don't read them every day but I usually try to check in at least once a week. Some of the bloggers are authors or speakers I admire;  others are pastors, writers, mamas and dads.  Each one has a different perspective and that is something I crave.

I recently saw this quote attributed to Mark Twain:  "Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts.  Broad, wholesome, charitable views of man and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime."  I immediately shared this on Facebook and had an interesting dialogue with a friend.  He asked for an explanation of what I thought this meant.  My take, as someone who has traveled extensively domestically but only once internationally, was that travel opens your mind.  It puts you in situations and with people who are wholly unlike you and those you came from.  It can be scary but enlightening and life-altering in many different ways.  While he understood this, he also pointed out to me that sometimes it's not a choice for people to travel.  And he's right, for a whole variety of reasons - financial, familial, etc.  And that got me thinking that the broadening of our experience comes not only through physical travel to different places but also through travel of the mind.  I know that sounds a bit crunchy granola but bear with me here.

I work at a large university.  This semester, I participated in one of several small group discussions over a period of about six weeks;  mine was focused on the topic of faith & spirituality in the university and our community.  It brought together a group of about 15 staff and students, all of different ages, hailing from different hometowns across the country, all with very different views on faith and spirituality.  Our facilitators very gracefully led us through some deep discussions about our feelings, perspectives and how that all impacts the broader community.  The ultimate goal is to create a conversation that respects the differences of others and helps create an environment where folks more readily care and look out for one another.  That seems simple as I type it but I think you can see where this might be a Sisyphean task in some instances, especially depending on the topic being discussed.

In thinking about my friend's comment in light of this, I realized that "travel" isn't limited to physicality.  I travel in my mind with every book I read.  I travel in every documentary or news story that captures my attention.  All these things and so many more mold and shape my viewpoints on things in tandem with other factors such as my faith, how I was raised, where I "come from" and more.  My viewpoints on things are constantly evolving and growing and I hope that never ceases.

Which brings me, finally (!) full-circle back  to my lengthy blogroll.  As I read through them and ponder them throughout the week, I have found one common thread:  I am totally bummed out by bloggers who don't blog.  Especially those whose voice and perspective, perhaps different from my own, I really cherish.

While I don't lump myself into the "cherished blogger" category by any stretch, I realized this week that I need to recommit to my little space here.  I need to recommit to the tens of you who read it.  I need to recommit to those who come looking for a perspective different than their own.  And moreover, I need to recommit for myself because I really, truly enjoy writing.

In the Land of Decoupage

I know I need to get back on track with posting. I've had a rough time of it for various reasons lately.  I'm still struggling - some days are better than others, for sure.  But at seven months into this adventure, I had been sure things would be different than they are...and that takes some reconciling in my mind and soul.  I had several down weekends where I simply didn't feel like doing anything.  But if there is anything for sure in my life, it's that I don't like to let myself wallow for too long.  Life's too short for that!

I set my mind on finishing up a table I was refinishing for my living room a couple weekends ago.  I'm really pleased with how it turned out.

I had originally just stained and polyurethaned it but I was never really happy with it.  When I found a cool tutorial on decoupaging with book pages, I knew what my plan was.  I posted a note on Facebook, asking my friends to tell me their favorite words and had a great response.  I found a dictionary at a thrift store for $2 and was on my way!  I painted the shelves red and then tore out my friends' favorite words from the dictionary, arranged and decoupaged them onto the back area of each shelve.  Voila!  I am so please with how this one came out.  And I'm more than a little hooked on decoupaging - and the idea of decoupaging with book pages.

This weekend I went on some adventures.  I visited a pizza place in the next town over that National Geographic claims is the best pizza in the world.  My response?  It was pretty good.  (Take that with a grain of salt, however, as I am NOT what you'd call a pizza connoisseur  - by any stretch.)  I tried out a local barbecue place that was absolutely fantastic.  I conquered a mammoth to do list.  And I finished up my final two furniture projects (for the moment, at least!)

This was a nightstand I bought at a thrift shop back in February.  I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do with it, so it took me a bit of time.  It has a retro, shabby chic kind of look about it. And I learned a lot about decoupaging furniture with fabric....

This was another table I picked up at the same thrift store.  There was really nothing to it - just bare plywood with some rusty metal legs.  I sanded the legs and sprayed them with a hammered copper and then decoupaged some map paper on the top.  I polyurethaned it and added some rubber "feet" to the bottom over the weekend (so the metal wouldn't damage the flooring, wherever this ends up.)

I'm happy with how they  turned out.  They are not perfect, by any means, but I'm learning a lot as I work with the different media and I know what I'll do differently with projects like these in the future.  Now the question is what do I do with them?  My place is very small and I really have no need for either.  I've been thinking of setting up an Etsy shop but the easier option may be to simply use Craigslist.  We shall see.

What's Love Got To Do With It?

All day long, I’ve been waffling back & forth about something so simple yet seemingly monumental.  (It all depends on your perspective, really.) As the Supreme Court sifts through both sides' arguments regarding marriage equality, I’ve seen this symbol popping up on people’s Facebook profiles:

It is a way of showing solidarity for those seeking equality.  But instead of simply changing mine without comment, I felt it more important to write and explain, because I know there are some in my circles who simply won’t understand and who may, in fact, decide that our difference in opinion is enough to cause a rift or even sever our relationship.  That risk is a scary one on some fronts but others: not so much.  (You can decide which camp you fall into in my book and I’ll leave it at that.)

One of the biggest struggles in this year of focusing on my “fit” has been finding a church home.  I didn’t grow up in the church and therefore many of the traditions & vestiges therein don’t resonate with me.  But I don’t struggle with what I believe because that is just what it is – MY belief.  My faith is important to me and what is equal in importance and tandem to that is my love for and service to others.  I’m not interested in being part of a church that gets a story in the local paper because of the elaborate cakes it had out on Easter;  I am interested in being a part of a community that LOVES and DOES because what I am held to is the great commandment in Mark 12:28-31:

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating.  Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"  

"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this:  'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.  Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this:  'Love your neighbor as yourself.'  There is no commandment greater than these."

It’s right there, in the red letters:  "Love your neighbor as yourself."

And there are people in my life for whom this is a very important issue.  And because I love them, I want that which will make them happy, that which will make their lives easier and that which will make them a part, instead of apart.

What Not to Wear

I was sad to learn that TLC's What Not to Wear is going off the air soon.  Besides my great love of Clinton Kelly & Stacy London, I also secretly harbored hope that someday, some "friend" would nominate me.  Because, really, after you get past the horror of being told you are a crappy dresser on national tv, you get $5000 to create a whole new wardrobe with the help of two savvy, snarky, lovely folks.  How can you beat that?  I've learned (though not always applied) so much from the show over the years about patterns and colors and styles and, most of all, about fit.  For instance, about the tendency for people to try to hide their flaws but wearing their clothing too big, which ends up drawing attention to rather than away from the area.  It's all about clothing that fits, and sometimes that may mean getting a piece tailored to make it fit your figure better.

You may remember that I am all about "fit" in 2013 and it got me thinking.  When I first made my big move, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how I was going to fit in:  what I could do, what I should do, how I would meet people and make friends.  I tried a lot of different things...and am still trying a lot of different things.  I described it to someone today as "throwing things against the wall to see what sticks."  An odd metaphor but a metaphor just the same.  And lately, I haven't been feeling like much is sticking.  I've found myself trying to gracefully bow out or take a break from some of the things I thought were going to be the perfect fit for me, the "answer", if you will..because they just don't feel right or I just don't feel like it.  To a degree, some of those feelings may come because I'm disappointed in things not turning out as I had expected;  some may be simply because I'm struggling with a touch of seasonal affective disorder brought on by The Winter That Will Never, Ever (Ever, Ever) End.  Some may be just poor timing.  But others may simply be an issue of fit.  And just like on What Not to Wear, I have to try things on.  I have to look at myself in the 360 mirror, get rid of the old, worn stuff and pick out some new, more flattering things.

On Joy

Joy is sometimes a blessing, but it is often a conquest.  Our magic moment helps us to change and sends us off in search of our dreams.  Yes, we are going to suffer,we will have difficult times, and we will experience many disappointments - but all of this is transitory it leaves no permanent mark.  And one day we will look back with pride and faith at the journey we have taken. 

 ~  Paulo Coehlo, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

It has been a hard week, full of the highest of peaks and the lowest depths of valleys.

I've said it before and I'll probably say it another 150,000 times before all is said and done:  this is hard. Some days, I feel the loss of family, friends and familiarity very acutely.  I'm still trying to identify the triggers so I can work with them instead of being broadsided by them.

It all takes time.

I've been trying various things to meet people and to make this place my home.  I'm taking classes (line dancing and yoga) and joining things (Bible study, youth group activities).  I've been making a concerted effort to put myself "out there"when it may seem just easier to retreat to my couch and my kitties.

One of the ways I've decided to do that is to start my own book club in town.  The first meetup was this Thursday and as I drove to the restaurant, I was so very anxious.  What if no one showed up and I was at a table for 8 alone?  What if people showed up but didn't like me?  Or I didn't like them?  Everything I do here feels an awful lot like the first day of school or a first date.

Thankfully, four of the eight showed up and they were the "right" four.  We had a great discussion of the book we read but more importantly, had a great conversation overall about authors and books and reading.  It felt so very good.  I was so encouraged.  I came home to find my friends on Facebook eagerly awaiting word (since my last status was that I was freaking out!)  I filled them in and was also texting with my best friend.  She had some very sage advice:  to not let anyone steal my joy the next day.  We all have people in our lives who have that effect on us;  some seem unfortunately surrounded by them.  But often, I find that I can do it all by myself.  But I went into yesterday still riding high and determined not to let my joy be stolen.

For the most part, I succeeded.  Every day has its ups and downs and it was no different.  And today started out much the same.  But then I learned a dear friend had lost her three-year battle with pancreatic cancer.  Even when you know that terrible news like that is forthcoming, it is still a blow.  I wept and wondered why her;  why another dear friend from the same company who we lost to lung cancer a few years ago.

But as I thought about these two amazing, strong, fun-loving women and all the things they had taught me, one thing stood out - the same thing my friend told me Thursday night.  They both were women who refused to let anything steal their joy.  That's not to say they never went though tough times because to say they went through tough times was an understatement, especially in their final months.  But when I think of them, I think of the parties - the baby showers, the bridal showers, the birthday parties;  I think of the nights out for drinks or dinner.  I think of all the laughs and oh my, there were SO many laughs!  Because no matter what, they had a joy deep in their souls.

And that is how I want to remember them...and what I want to emulate.

Rest in peace, my friends.  I know you are partying together tonight in heaven. 

"The Opposite of War Isn't Peace..."

"...it's creation..." or so says a line in my all-time favorite musical, Rent.  The first 7,000 times I listened to the soundtrack, I let this go in one ear and out other other but on 7,001 it hit me how true that really is.  And lately, with the re-creation of my life in a completely new area where I know no one, I've been reminded that I really enjoy creating things.  I've been working on a few small projects and have started volunteering at a local nursing home to lead a monthly craft project.  I was so nervous when I went for the first time a couple weeks ago;  I'd been working on craft ideas for some time and at the last minute, changed my plan and decided on a little Valentine's craft:

Pretty simple but fun & festive!  The original craft I had planned is below;  we'll do this at the beginning of March:

I've also started working on a couple larger projects. In looking around my place, I realized that I have painted/stained/stenciled several pieces of furniture in my living room - and I remembered that I really loved doing it and got a lot of satisfaction from it.  My kitchen is so very tiny and I have no counter space so I decided a few weeks ago to go thrift shopping in hopes of finding a small table that would suit.  What I found was a $10 table at the Salvation Army...and the inspiration to make it really special.

Not sure why this is rotated wrong but you get the picture.  My feline assistant is looking at the table and wondering what the heck I am up to now.  The table top itself had some cracked and bubbled laminate so I decided to tile it.  A friend recommended I buy the tile with the mesh backing and another recommended I purchase grout/adhesive mix.  Armed with these ideas and some help from the internet, I was off to the home improvement store to gather my supplies.  I really love the look of this glass tile.

First step was measuring and cutting the tile to fit.

Then, I applied the grout/adhesive to the whole top (no need to sand since I was slathering it on) and applying the tile.  I waited about 36 hours before applying the top grout.  This took some work but was much easier than I would have anticipated...and a little messier.  I had grout all over the place.

 And the top was finished.  I absolutely loved it...but didn't love the look of the sides...

 And so I decided to tile the sides as well.  Gravity was not my friend on my first attempts.  I waited a few weeks and then ended up glopping it right on to the back of the tile/mesh and pressing it on. It stayed!

 I wasn't sure how it would look because of the glopping...but once I grouted it, I was really pleased!

In its rightful place...

I've got a few new projects forming in my brain right now.  One of the "benefits" of being a new girl in town is that I don't have too much going on...so I have time to work on creating some pretty cool things.  And I'm thankful to be reminded of my inner craftiness!